New Year, Same Story...

You can tell it's a new year.  Pretty much every shop you go in now has books, magazines or DVDs dedicated to taking the Old You and turning it into a Shiny New You lining the shelves and jumping out at you in special promotions.  You literally cannot move for people promoting things to help you stop smoking, lose weight, find true love, change your wardrobe, get a new haircut, improve your fitness, be happy, blah-di-blah-di-freaking-dah.  What IS it about the whole 'new year' thing that turns people into such self-loathing individuals that they must rely on the likes of Gillian McKeith, Paul McKenna and some Z-list 'celebrities' to make them feel better about themselves?  Personally I'm still working on finding out whether or not I like the Old Me; it seems faintly ludicrous to me to then chuck all that to one side and start again, only to have to repeat the process in another 12 months.  I find it all terribly depressing, to be honest.

Yes, ok, we all have things about ourselves we would LIKE to change; I personally could quite happily rip out half my insides with a blunt teaspoon at the moment because it seems preferable to all this to-ing and fro-ing to the doctors I'm doing, but health 'stuff' aside (which will eventually be sorted, I'm sure), I can honestly say there isn't much I'd like to redo.  I've done my share of stressing about how my body does or doesn't look; it is what it is from a physical point of view, and nothing short of invasive and frankly terrifying surgery is ever going to change that fact.  Besides, every time I start doubting myself or comparing myself to other women, I go back to the photos I had taken last year and feel better: that IS me and actually I look pretty damn good, even though I say it myself.  And I've always liked my eyes - my friend Frankie once told me I had 'end of the world' eyes because they reminded him of the opening titles for the TV show 'Heroes', so clearly I'm not the only one who thinks they're pretty awesome. 

And yes, I WOULD like to be more confident, or know what I want to do with my life, but the fact is things like that are always going to be works in progress.  Life HAPPENS, and sometimes all that confidence you built up gets knocked down again and you have to reassess things, but that's all part of the joy and misery and chaos of being ALIVE.  When I look back at how far I've come in getting to grips with who I am - and liking the things that I find, or at least accepting them - then I realise what an incredible journey this whole 'life' thing actually is, and how we should just embrace every single second of it.  Sometimes the shit hits the fan; sometimes people will hurt you and knock you down, but you DO get through it and it makes you a stronger person.  What I need - what we ALL need - is to be happy with who and what we are as individuals; only once you've come to terms with yourself can you start thinking about changes.  Any change you make has to be on YOUR terms, not just because everyone else is doing it of because you think you 'have to'.  There's no 'have to' about it, as far as I'm concerned, so Gillian McKeith and the rest can sod off because they'll get no sales from me.  

I'm not completely knocking them, because I DO think sometimes people need a little extra help to get things done, but only for certain 'issues' and only if it's a decision YOU made.  If you feel a bit low on the old confidence front (and boy do I know how that feels) then just think about the people around you.  They hang out with you because they like YOU, not some air-brushed psycho-analysed version of you.  All those people can't be wrong, can they, so take it as a baby step and see where it brings you.  I'm no expert on this - after all, I'm still exploring who I am and if I like Me - but I really believe that sometimes all these self-help books and things cause more harm than good.  And no amount of advertising is ever going to make me change that.  As they sing in La Cage Aux Folles, "I am what I am" - get to grips with that and you're well on your way...